Scrappy Prose and a Note

My own expectations weigh heavily
Pressing down upon my shoulders
Burying me beneath their crushing force
Masking my natural sunniness
With a quiet, forced formality.

This is not me, I scream
Silenced by the distance
That keeps me cut off from all
Only the most persistent
Find me in this dank, creeping jail

Am I lost here in my self-imposed
Prison with walls so high
I can’t see over, wander about
Aimless and without the desperation
Necessary to escape this exile

Defeat claws at my feet
Reaching to take me, keep me
Please just let me get away from
The apathy of sameness, always the same
Want to feel, be and see the world beyond

Trapped in the now and don’t know
How to see the future or even
The way to reach what I know is my
Destiny sleeping at my door, still asleep
As I scream and cry and beg for it to find me.
                                                                                

So I've got 2 prologues of epic goodness staring at me, questioning who will be first. 1) Shadows On The Wall and 2) In The Darkness Remain. While I am truly torn between them, I think in the interest of publishing order I should work on Shadows On The Wall next.

Damon says he doesn't care, as long as I'm writing something.

Progress reports should be forthcoming in the weeks ahead. Wish me luck.

Mission Control: We have a break-through! (BGSP)

It has been 4 long, long days since I have read a new book. This knowledge/inspiration desert has been tough on me, I won't lie.
At first, I didn't know how the Ultimatum would resolve itself. I knew I wouldn't touch a book until I had written the prologue--I couldn't go against Damon's wishes like that-- but it was very tough going.
The first day, I wrote a few paragraphs.

The second day was little better, I could think of nothing, so I went to work after writing nothing and with little hope of ever knowing a new book. The meager brainstorming I did at work resulted in me adding paragraphs of scene description to what I already had.

As I tried to sleep on the second night I had a brief burst of inspiration which made me glad that I had a pad of paper and pen on my bedside table.

On the third day, I woke to rainy skies that mirrored the aching of my soul. (melodrama, anyone?) It was my day off, so I went off to run errands. When I arrived home I spent a few hours working on the marketing strategies for Only The Stars Know. Then I spent a few more hours creating a book trailer. Then I spent an hour watching TV.

By the time 1am rolled around I was thoroughly disgusted with myself. Really, self? This was the best I could do?

So, I pulled out the big guns. Sometimes the only way to get excited about a scene is to have lived it. Sometimes the only way to get all the details is to have lived it.

After going through my Big Gun Secret Process I started scribbling madly away at my journal. I literally could not write fast enough to get the scene onto paper. By 3:30am I had the gist of it down, and I couldn't stay awake any longer. I laid aside the journal and turned out the light. I fell asleep easily.

On day four I woke up late, a result of being up until 3:30, I'm sure, so I got ready for work and left soon after. Business was slow at work, and I was itching to work on the book, so I requested to go home early and ended up leaving around 8pm. I stopped for dinner and then hightailed it home. I brainstormed for about half an hour (painting my nails is a very good way to brainstorm, I have discovered) and then discovered I had left my journal in the car. I ran through the dripping cold rain to retrieve it and then finally sat down to finish the prologue.

Last night, around about 12:15am, I finished that prologue.

It is...indescribable. Damon asked me if I love it, and I had to reply honestly that I could not love it, because of the horrible pain he suffers through for it. But I am proud of it. I think my writing ability is becoming more and more finely honed with every story I write. And I think that you, the readers, will love and hate the story, which are not two different things, but facets of the same thing: passion. And I want this story to inspire passionate responses.

Of course, the best news is that as long as I type up the prologue today, Damon said I could start reading my new books immediately! Huzzah!

Damon's Ultimatum

Damon's Ultimatum...Translation: I got myself in trouble with my character and now I am going to be punished accordingly.

Last night we were driving home from my parents house, Damon and I, that is, and he said in his normal quiet tone, "Will you be working on the book tonight?"

I knew he meant In The Darkness Remain, for I had stupidly told him I wanted to start the prologue soon. I had, also stupidly, thought aloud to myself that I should write it that night, while I was in between reading books.

I hesitated before answering him. I knew he had heard my still liquid-like plans and I knew he realized how easily I would push them aside. At the same time, I really did want to work on the story. It's just, I had been awake since 8am (a near unbelievable feat for me) and it was already 11pm...and I was tired...Okay so I'm rationalizing. But really, what did he expect? We've known each other for almost 8 years, if he doesn't know me by now then there is really no hope.

So I stopped hesitating finally and said, albeit haltingly, "I had considered it."

His voice somehow went lower as he said, "I think you should."

In fairness, I do know that tone. I know it means trouble, and I know that if I decide to ignore it I will regret it.

As I walked into my apartment and set my things down, I went through my normal routine: let Pangur out of my room, feed Pangur, put away laundry(aka throw it on the ground and hope it puts itself away), make cup of tea, turn on Sam, sit in front of Sam sipping tea, check email, check ads, check sales, check blog....

So 12:30am rolls around and I'm really tired now. I think about picking up my newly arrived Sherrilyn Kenyon book, the 2nd in Nick's trilogy!, and put it back down because I feel guilty... I turned on the TV, watched a rerun episode of an old sitcom...turned off TV...fell asleep at a 1am.

Long story not so short: I'm in trouble. I am now forbidden to touch any of my newly arrived unread books (2 at the moment with a 3rd still in transit) until I have written the prologue. Those of you who know me well understand what a horrible sentence this is. Not touch books? Not read my new books? WHAAAT?

Well, like I said, I always regret it when I ignore that tone from Damon. There is no question of me not adhering to this edict either. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Alas, there shall be no more reading until In The Darkness Remain is properly started. I never thought I would miss Angela as a main character after finishing Die For Me Again, but she is a fluffy bunny compared to Damon's slave master approach.

...hmm...slave master... *evil smile*

New Venues for Only The Stars Know

In my tunnel vision, I originally only published Only The Stars Know to Kindle and Paperback...how stupid is that? Well, via Smashwords Only The Stars Know is now available on just about ALL ereaders. Including, but not limited to: Apple iPads/Books, Nooks, Sony eReaders, etc... Click Here to go to the Smashwords page for my book where you can buy it for only $0.99.

 Also, you can read the first 20% of the book for free to see if you like it. If you do, and you read the whole thing, please post a review! Reviews are something my books and I need to live and thrive!


In other news! I got about 30% of the outlining for In The Darkness Remain done yesterday. Those of you who know me well probably remember that I normally don't outline at all. Well, I've been having so many ideas for the story that I'm afraid I'll start forgetting them. As for the actual writing itself, I have started some drafting from Damon's POV, which most of the story will be in, but I doubt any of what I've written thus far will be in the book. Mostly it's just background on his life before being a vampire to help me understand him as well as possible. There are certainly some curious circumstances...Don't worry, I'm not going to continue being this vague within the book. You will understand Damon almost as well as I do, once you read it.

In my personal life, my Pangur Ban is turning 7 months old this Sunday, the 15th! Her birthday present is something she would have been most happy to do without, she was spayed yesterday by the Paws Clinic in town. She is not altogether happy with me. She's taking her pain killers with a good grace that makes me suspicious, and frankly I fear she will kill me in my sleep.

Also, I'm decorating my apartment. I'm hanging pictures and art like crazy. I am cleaning a lot as well, my roommate thinks I'm either on drugs or suffering from some type of hormonal imbalance due to pregnancy. I told her she's insane and then threw out the 5 year old apple cider dry mix that was rotting in the kitchen cabinets. Honestly...

I am in my second month of my new job and my stress levels have gone waaaaay down. I do have a wee bit of a cold at the moment, but I'm taking Zicam and vitamins like crazy, so hopefully it will amount to nothing.


One last note, I know you might be wondering why I am working on In The Darkness Remain instead of Shadows On The Wall. My normal routine is to write the rough draft of one book, then revise a different book until I publish it. I was going to scrap that routine after I published Only The Stars Know in favor of a faster publishing time for the next book, but Damon has been bugging me lately to write his story. And I recognize the feel of the pull, the story is ready to be written.

Until we meet again! Adieu!