A Scattered Accounting

Whoo, so it's been a little while since I blogged. Sorry 'bout that ya'll. I've been terribly scattered lately. I really do need an assistant to keep me organized. Between trying to make sure all the bills get paid on time, working six days a week, the apartment stays clean, Pangur Ban is fed-oh crap I forgot to refill her dish, dammit!
Hold on a sec, I'll be right back.....
Okay! So, as you might guess, blogging is not exactly at the top of the list. It's true, there have been several times in the last couple weeks where I have wanted to blog, but it's usually about silly things that probably only matter to eccentric, hermit-wannabe authors like me.


My CafePress shirt,
from CASTLE(abc TV show)

I haven't been writing much if at all, and it's seriously frustrating me. Logically, I know that I'll be much more emotionally stable if I get a few chapters out of my system, but I'm rebelling for some stupid reason.
I downloaded Flyleaf's 2009 album, Memento Mori, last week and I have been listening almost exclusively to it since. Literally, all of my side thoughts have been expressed in lyrics lately. It's wonderful in a frustratingly plagiaristic sort of way.

Also, I'm close to launching into a full rant on the topic of cuss words. It is a topic that frustrates me considerably, as I can see both sides of the story and wish only that everyone else could. They are WORDS. Words have only the power we give them. So, like anything else, the spirit in which they are used must be taken into consideration before sentencing someone.

Perhaps scattered was not a strong enough word to use to describe me lately. In fact, an example might best serve to demonstrate.

Today I woke up, fed Pangur, showered, filled out my CA voting ballot, called my dad, got dressed, checked the mail, drove to drop off my ballot, paid my electricity bill, went to the bank, filled out a credit card application, called my mom, texted my brother, surfed Amazon, checked FB, dA and YouTube, read the first 2 chapters of The Golden Lily, by Richelle Mead, and then realized it was 1:30 pm and I hadn't had anything to eat.

Now, normally in a day I might accomplish 3 of those things. In a WHOLE day, not in a matter of hours. I mean truthfully, out of all those, only 3 things. I could have a day where all I do is feed Pangur, shower and surf Amazon. And that is typical.
And now that I have to leave for work in half an hour I realize that I forgot to call the tire store about my car. Even though I made a list (a very scattered, crazy list of things to do, things to buy, and things to remember).
I'm this cose *hold up fingers about an inch apart* to giving up. I need an assistant, a keeper....
And for some reason, I am sounding more and more like Damon when I lose my temper, I keep saying things like "Bloody hell!" and "Blast it!" and "Oh for the love of..." I think I hang out with him too much. Actually, he's been avoiding me a bit lately, my hectic moods make him uncomfortable.

I think if I could convince myself to go to sleep before 2 am I might be able to start waking up earlier and actually accomplish something.
Off topic(not that there was a specific topic): I think I want the soundtrack to the new Underworld movie...I love Lacey Sturm's and Evanescence's contribution there.

I believe, what if I believe you? Forgive, relieve me, please come back to life. Come back to my life.

Now Hiring @ Shanco: Snarky Assistant

It has recently been brought to my attention that, as a writer, I should have an Assistant to help organize my projects and obligations as well as buck me up and give advice. After reading an interview of fellow author and witnessing the actions of her own assistant, I know that my assistant cannot be just any random person off the street. I must have a, what I call, Snarky Assistant.

This is not a position easily filled, and I do not expect to do so quickly. Therefore this job posting will be open until filled, without a 'fill-by' date. I will not settle for less than what I want and need. If that means I am my own Snarky Assistant for a time, then I will live (rather unorganized, but I will live.)

If you do not feel that you can fill the post, but know someone who may, I urge you to inform me.

Thank you for your time and reading,

Shannon A Hiner

Position Key: Snarky Assistant

Job Duties:

• Preview & Critique all written works of S.A. Hiner.
  
• Schedule and execute all necessary appointments, interviews, and promotions.
  
• Make unplanned trips to the café for tea and/or coffee.
  
• Keep the same odd hours as the writer, or not mind being woken at odd hours.
  
• Have a store of original, uplifting speeches of varying degrees ready at will.
  
• Unplanned trips to inspirational sites, such as the river, the dam, the woods, etc.
  
• The ability to quote poetry appropriately and accurately.
  
• You must understand the writer to a degree that is uncanny, knowing what advice is needed, even if the writer does not want to hear it.
  
  

Experience & Education:

• Experience critiquing writing.
  
• A wide interest and knowledge base in random facts.
  
• A tested IQ of 120 or better.
  
• Uncommon sense
  
• Some college preferred, though life-experience is valued more highly.

Necessary Interests:

• Must love reading, especially of the fantasy and light romance genres.
  
• An interest in Astrology is a plus.
  
• Knowledge of plot and character archetypes.
  
  

Attitudal Features:

• Trustworthiness is a key requirement for this position. You are likely to see and hear many things that are neither meant, nor appropriate for public knowledge.
  
• You should be a witty, slightly sarcastic person who is not offended by biting cynicism.
  
• Must be highly intelligent with the sense to apply that intelligence to life in a meaningful way.
  
• Stubbornness, not to an extreme, will help you.
  
• You should be a generally positive person, not prone to depression.
  
• Slobs, personally and physically, need not apply (the writer is a clean-freak).
  

Notes:

• This position may be best filled by a live-in Snarky Assistant, your willingness in this aspect will be weighed for or against you.
  
• This is not a paid position until the writer actually starts getting paid.
  
  

Benefits Include (but may not be limited to):

• Prescreening of all of the writer’s books.
  
• Trips to the movies/bookstore when inspiration is slow.
  
• Homemade cake & cookies (and candy at Christmas!)
  
• Homey-care when you are sick or hurt.
  
• Optional Sunday dinners at the Hiner Compound. (other option being that this is your one guaranteed day off)
  
• One other day off during the week is negotiable.

To Apply: Email shannonahiner@live.com, or Facebook message me. You should include prior experience as well as a response to all of the above statements.