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Saturday, March 31, 2012

When Being Happy Becomes A Problem

So, I'm pretty content at the moment. Yep. I mean, sure, there are a few things that I would love to change (having to work in customer service, oversleeping the alarm everyday, basically talking to myself and receiving odd looks for it), but on the whole I've been fairly happy in the last month.

I've settled in at the new job, got rid of the troublesome roommate, and I've been very adventurous in the kitchen lately. I'm practically on cloud nine.

Are you wondering why it almost sounds as though I am complaining?

Well, see here's the problem: I'm rewriting Shadows On The Wall. What, you mean that one sentence doesn't answer all your questions? I suppose I will explain then.

When I originally wrote Shadows On the Wall it was the spring of 2006. My sophomore year of high school, and also the year I passed the CA HS Proficiency Exam and left high school behind forever. It was the year I got my license, my first job, and we moved from Modesto to Oroville. BIG Year. (I also started writing Die For Me Again, but that was in the autumn.)

In the Spring of 2006 I let myself fall in deep deep like with someone entirely unsuitable and unavailable to me. I already loved this boy as a friend, so it was doubly bad. Unwittingly, he ended up breaking my heart that spring, or rather, I let my heart break over him. He really didn't do anything to break it, so I shouldn't blame him.

Well, those of you who don't know me all that well will not realize how catastrophic this was. I don't just get crushes on guys, when I decide I like them I go head over freaking high heels and totally lose my heart. No, really, I don't do anything halfway, especially not love. So while this wonderful boy thought we were just really good friends, I was in fact losing my mind over why he didn't like me in the same way.

When I realized he never would, and that I couldn't simply be 'just friends' with him, my heart did a weepy little break in two and I haven't been the same since. I believe that was the first time my heart was truly broken. (There have honestly only been two times in twenty-two years).

In the year following this heart break I completed two novels in the Immortal World series, one and a half standalone novels, and droves upon droves of weepy heartbroken prose.

Have you caught on yet? When I am heartbroken I write like crazy. And apparently, I write rather well because two of the most popular IW books came out of utter heartbreak.

I am now faced with two distinctly different problems, both resulting from the fact that I am in a happy state of mind currently:

1. I can't seem to write easily when I am happy.
2. Shadows On The Wall is a very emotionally stormy book, with deep lows--something that is quite hard to write from a good mood.

The answer? I'm not sure. I suppose I could go out and find some completely unsuitable man to fall head over heels for, in the hopes that he will tear my heart asunder and leave me a wasted shell of a woman....but that seems like an awful lot of work, and plus, there really aren't any worthy males to be had at the moment.

Nope, I just don't know. It's a problem, that is for certain.

Suggestions are welcome (with the understanding that, depending upon my mood, I may rip them apart or take them out of context or do any number of annoying/shannon-like things with them).

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Obsessions, Procrastination and Possibly Some ADD

I am absolutely obsessed with the coast of California. I'm really not sure why. The ocean is too cold this far North to really enjoy. The beaches are mostly rocky and there are tons of hippies all around, but I can't seem to stop researching, viewing pictures of, and visiting the coast. I love it. It's the most beautiful place on Earth to me.

Yesterday I was online and somehow (I really don't remember how) I ended up looking at a map of the state up toward Crescent City. An hour later I was doing research on estuarine lagoons and an hour after that I was trying to figure out how to place a story around it. I know, this is ridiculous!

Anyway, I'm trying to apologize in advance in case any odd coastal scenes pop up in the next couple books. Like I said I can't seem to help it.

I'm having a lot of trouble with procrastination and concentration lately. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if Damon smacked down another ultimatum soon. I'm trying to avoid that, but I make no promises. I'm out of unread books at the moment, having just finished 2 in the last 3 days. I will try very hard not to order anymore for some time. I have a bad case of trigger finger whenever I am on Amazon.

That should, naturally, mean I should avoid Amazon, but you see: I end up on Amazon as a result of viewing book trailers on YouTube. And I end up on YouTube because I see book ads on Facebook. And of course, I'm on Facebook to let you know that I just wrote another blog. Vicious circle it is.

The upshot of this is, after I finish this blog and let you all know that I have written it, I will probably end up ordering another book. I should probably be banned from the internet, but let's face it, that's not going to happen.

Well, I have started the first chapter of Shadows On The Wall, but as I said, concentration is at an all time low here. I have got to stop renting movies constantly, and going to see movies. But this month is golden as far as movies go. This weekend is definitely taken up, what with The Hunger Games. Two weeks ago it was John Carter. Two weeks from now Mirror Mirror comes out, and of course I will have to see MIB3 as well. Should be interesting...

If any of you are in the habit of praying to anyone, you might send out a request for me to have concentration and some sticktoitiveness. That would be wonderful.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Scrappy Prose and a Note

My own expectations weigh heavily
Pressing down upon my shoulders
Burying me beneath their crushing force
Masking my natural sunniness
With a quiet, forced formality.

This is not me, I scream
Silenced by the distance
That keeps me cut off from all
Only the most persistent
Find me in this dank, creeping jail

Am I lost here in my self-imposed
Prison with walls so high
I can’t see over, wander about
Aimless and without the desperation
Necessary to escape this exile

Defeat claws at my feet
Reaching to take me, keep me
Please just let me get away from
The apathy of sameness, always the same
Want to feel, be and see the world beyond

Trapped in the now and don’t know
How to see the future or even
The way to reach what I know is my
Destiny sleeping at my door, still asleep
As I scream and cry and beg for it to find me.

So I've got 2 prologues of epic goodness staring at me, questioning who will be first. 1) Shadows On The Wall and 2) In The Darkness Remain. While I am truly torn between them, I think in the interest of publishing order I should work on Shadows On The Wall next.

Damon says he doesn't care, as long as I'm writing something.

Progress reports should be forthcoming in the weeks ahead. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Official End

...of the Hiatus!!!


About one and a half weeks after my last post I found someone I thought would be a good roommate for me. We discussed the situation thoroughly and found that we are complimentary in many aspects, though not so wrapped up in each other to pose the possible friend problem*.

My roommate is now a person who is quieter than me, studious, not a drinker, never heard of a drug, cleans her dishes directly after using them, and only speaks when spoken to. That last one actually gnaws at me a bit, I constantly feel as though I should say something because she is so dang quiet. Makes me into a bit of a chatter bug.

So the living situation is much altered and for the better. We also found a different apartment to move into, and now I have had the pleasure of decorating a place for myself without having to deal with someone whose tastes are so many worlds apart from mine. I also trust my new roommate enough to display my books in the common areas, as well as my precious breakables (tea cups, tea pots and the like) ((all my tea paraphernalia)) (((yes, I like tea that much! Don't laugh at me!))).

Life proceeds much the same at my job, there are a few people getting on my nerves, but I can handle it (with a knife buahahahaa!)

Now that I am all unpacked and happily settled in, I feel it is time to call an end to the Hiatus I declared.  I am ready to put my mind back to work on what is truly important to me. I have missed my characters sorely this last month, and Damon keeps giving me pointed looks so I know it is definitely time.

To prove my devotion to getting back on track, I have some prose that I've been working on the last few days. It's almost ready, and I shall share as soon as I am done.

Thank you, my precious readers, for your infinite patience (who am I kidding? You? or maybe you?)

On an off note, there is a movie coming out every Friday this month that I want to see. How awesome is that?! Starting with John Carter, Mirror Mirror, then The Hunger Games and on through Men In Black 3...this is freaking fantastic! The movie gods are on my side for once! (either that or they are conspiring to empty my wallet)

Again, thank you all for reading and staying with me, be on the lookout for Scraps, Prose and Fun Bits from me!!!

*PFP: Where you move in with someone who is a really really good friend and then you discover just how annoying this person is to live with and it ruins both your friendship and your roommate situation.